Well I am still trying to collect my thoughts about this place. I have been here nearly 50 days now...50 tomorrow I think. I brought up the brooms earlier because they have short handles here. I see many women, even elderly women, bending down to sweep the steps and sidewalks with these brooms. The one in my apartment is for the floor. Now - they could have handles...but that would relieve suffering. Ukraine loves suffering. In a way, despensation of suffering is a kind of way for them express love...in a way. And they are a kind and hospitable people...you repeat the Russian expression for 'Thank you' a hundred times a day.
Also, this place is Russia. The landscape, homes, buildings, language - all deeply Russian. At least for the Eastern half of the country. That orange revolution confuses many here...they are not angry with the Soviet history - they were soviets. They fought and worked in the same way as Moscow..they have been connected by Sea, farming and industry with Russia for ever...in fact, they were the original Russia or 'RUS' in around like the year 700.
Every new day hints at a pending day as bad or worse. This is not a hopeful place...they like to dash mine often so much that I am always looking for the boot to drop. I may soon leave here...but I reserve some gloom - just in case.
I have ridden in a taxi now 7,000 times...or close to that I think. I have met all sorts...good and responsible men and clinically insane men. I will not miss that anxiety. But I will always be amazed that I have never wrecked and only saw one on a hiway. Every 5 minutes is a near miss of a wreck or running a person over. But never happens...like that drizzle in Kodiak Alask that is constant for months...but it never really rains. Not a real rain.
Berdyansk has taxes...but there is no evidence of it. Every road is strip that looks like its been bombed..as if every street was some vital supply line in some past war. The power is on sometimes, off sometimes. Internet is connected from houst to house with military 232 cable and amazingly good considering.
I'll be taking a confused and reluctant to trust daughter tomorrow from her little world of 10 years. It is almost purely physical venture now in my mind...remove her from here...take her to there. I will try to work a little tomight...but hard to keep my mind on anything but the morning...and that other boot to drop and shatter all hope.
So in sum - all is suffering and folks here see it all as 'life.' It is my hope they see more and more that suffering is not always necessary..and not always productive. Sometimes it destroys character rather than build it.
