Well I am still trying to collect my thoughts about this place. I have been here nearly 50 days now...50 tomorrow I think. I brought up the brooms earlier because they have short handles here. I see many women, even elderly women, bending down to sweep the steps and sidewalks with these brooms. The one in my apartment is for the floor. Now - they could have handles...but that would relieve suffering. Ukraine loves suffering. In a way, despensation of suffering is a kind of way for them express love...in a way. And they are a kind and hospitable people...you repeat the Russian expression for 'Thank you' a hundred times a day.
Also, this place is Russia. The landscape, homes, buildings, language - all deeply Russian. At least for the Eastern half of the country. That orange revolution confuses many here...they are not angry with the Soviet history - they were soviets. They fought and worked in the same way as Moscow..they have been connected by Sea, farming and industry with Russia for ever...in fact, they were the original Russia or 'RUS' in around like the year 700.
Every new day hints at a pending day as bad or worse. This is not a hopeful place...they like to dash mine often so much that I am always looking for the boot to drop. I may soon leave here...but I reserve some gloom - just in case.
I have ridden in a taxi now 7,000 times...or close to that I think. I have met all sorts...good and responsible men and clinically insane men. I will not miss that anxiety. But I will always be amazed that I have never wrecked and only saw one on a hiway. Every 5 minutes is a near miss of a wreck or running a person over. But never happens...like that drizzle in Kodiak Alask that is constant for months...but it never really rains. Not a real rain.
Berdyansk has taxes...but there is no evidence of it. Every road is strip that looks like its been bombed..as if every street was some vital supply line in some past war. The power is on sometimes, off sometimes. Internet is connected from houst to house with military 232 cable and amazingly good considering.
I'll be taking a confused and reluctant to trust daughter tomorrow from her little world of 10 years. It is almost purely physical venture now in my mind...remove her from here...take her to there. I will try to work a little tomight...but hard to keep my mind on anything but the morning...and that other boot to drop and shatter all hope.
So in sum - all is suffering and folks here see it all as 'life.' It is my hope they see more and more that suffering is not always necessary..and not always productive. Sometimes it destroys character rather than build it.
2 comments:
I thought of something while reading your latest. Socialism/communism isn't that old. But there are people in this world that know no other way of life. When you eat nothing but gruel your entire life, you have no idea what to compare it with, except exotic gruel on the other side of the town.
Strange. A system that doesn't work and never will, with a people in that system that thinks 'doesn't work' is all there is. And the only glimpses they get of the other side of the world is flesh, drugs, toys and shopping.
I remember a friend of mine from Iran thought all Americans were like the Ewing family on the tv show Dallas. We laughed.
There is something abusive.....actually, like a corporeal form of rape, where a small, elite group try to manipulate reality for all the people they rule, even if it doesn't ever work.
Americans that study communism and socialism...because they admire it, have no idea of the reality you expressed in this blog. They live in a country where 25% of households have 3 cars. A greater percentage have more than 3 televisions, etc. We have a serious weight problem and fitness is a huge industry. All of that from capitalism....the system they despise.
Problems with capitalism too, I know. People are sinful, period. In fact, my point is that anyone who thinks human sin can be conquered through either a political or scientific solution are modern heretics and deserve to be treated as such. Mainly because it's flat out abusive when practiced.
Praying.
I wonder, however, if it's just that suffering uncovers our real character. I don't think corruption is more prevalent in poor countries because the people are more evil; I think corruption is more prevalent, because suffering pushes sin to the forefront.
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